Pяoblem DOGG / self titled
By: Bobson Dugnutt

There’s something cathartic in peeling back the foreskin of a new Pяoblem DOGG release.

The energetic Denton supergroup’s ambitious 61st release maintains the aggressive energy that banned them from venues around DFW without alienating die-hard fans of their raucous Lightning Bolt-esque noise rock. While not trodding into untrodden or otherwise treaded trods or treads, Problem Dogg firmly establishes themselves as a group of people with instruments who all came together to plug them in to a series of power strips with cables.

While not a significant departure from previous albums in terms of genre, the auspicious self-titled release touches on the un-glorified trauma of existence that few other artists dare dream of.

Quick stats: 

Number of tracks listed on CD case: 48
Number of tracks actually on CD: 42
Number of tracks listed on the bandcamp digital release: 49

Track-by-track review:

1. Introduction to Problem Dogg

Blurring the line between noise-funk and noise-funk rock, the GarageBand-added applause adorns the opener with the same explosive energy experienced at every live Problem Dogg performance without giving away the farm.

2. Penny Pincher False

A symposium of balance and taste. Problem Dogg shows us that they came to kick ass and plug instruments in, and they’re all out of instruments to plug in.

3. Eruption

In both length and in girth, Problem Dogg displays a temperance and maturity here absent from previous releases.

4. It could be better it could be worse

“This is a song for all the Doggs who couldn’t be here”

Haunting and provocative. While not the first artists to speak of love and loss, this is a pain familiar to all of us.

5. The seed of contempt

The natural progression in the stages of grief is pain followed by anger. Problem Dogg finds firm footing as a group vocally with this dynamic track of anger and redemption.

6. Disappointing Korndogg

We all have moments in our lives that completely stop us in our tracks. That first kiss, the loss of a loved one, 9/11, The Beatles on Ed Sullivan, the realization that we’re all going to die and there’s nothing we can do to stop the infinite darkness from silencing a consciousness we can’t fully define or understand.

Problem Dogg speaks of a sadness that few other artists dare to acknowledge. The dyad of expectations for our destiny/ambitions against reality. The excitement of possibility against the banality of outcome. The existential dread we constantly keep at bay through pleasure satiation of both the mind and flesh. The realization that no construct we build mentally can physically manifest into even a modicum of its imagined potential. To Problem Dogg; this is the corn dog.

Far and away the most painfully honest exposé of the human condition in recent memory, Disappointing Korndogg represents a sea change in the tapestry of Problem Dogg. The pain in Rick Eye’s vocals as he regales us with his tale of woe will stick with you long after the album has finished.

7. Leave me in hell

“I’m at the gates of hell, everyone’s poking my urethra”

The first circle of hell is reached, a Dante’s Inferno motif that weaves in and out of the tracks as the album progresses.

8. Kicked in the balls

Riding in the wake of themes raised lyrically and musically in “Leave me in hell,” track 8 seems redundant, but relatable.

9. Sweat Fetish

Rick Eye’s vocals and Neil Coburn’s staccato melodies branch out into a more uptempo breath of fresh air with “Sweat Fetish.”

10. Dime Digitator

The portmanteau of “digit” and “agitator” tastefully compliment this Dionysian expression of fragility, a move perhaps taken from The Mars Volta playbook.

11. South of Heaven

Problem Dogg ups the ante lyrically with “South of Heaven”
“If you wanna war you gotta make it, it you wanna orgasm you gotta fake it”
A comment on American imperialism and foreign policy?

12. DIY

A beautiful collage of covers and tributes. Not many bands could pull off singing the lyrics of “Thunderstruck” over the music of “Paint it Black,” Problem Dogg included.

13. Tony Hawk

It is at this point in the album I realize that not only are the tracks on the disc incorrectly labeled, they are not all accounted for.

14. Jazz Odyssey

A significant departure musically from previous tracks, “Jazz Odyssey” takes Problem Dogg back to the basics of what made early Problem Dogg great. This marks a shift in the album’s focal point from Rick Eye-centric noise-rock to Neil Coburn-centric noise jazz-rock.

15. Neil Odyssey

Further exploring the riffs and musical ideas set up in “Jazz Odyssey,” Neil Coburn continues to display his technical prowess. Always a high point of live performances, the slick studio performance of this live staple just doesn’t capture the same energy as their shows.

16. Venus in Furs

This Primus-inspired track stands out on an album where every track stands out.

17. 1000 days in Sodom

After extensive testing I cannot confirm that this track intentionally lines up with any 11 seconds of the snuff classic Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, forward or backward.

18. Artwerk

The most politically-charged track on the album, the song’s true message of corruption and technology gone amok is partially obscured by (intentionally?) poor mixing.

19. David Cameron’s Labyrinth

This track continues to dip in and out of almost sounding like a normal radio-friendly structured song, but always returns to the manic disjointed mayhem that is Problem Dogg. Perhaps it’s a release from all of the frustration and anxiety that goes in to trying to construct a listenable song that could lead to any amount of success in the industry. Perhaps it’s just pure nonsense.

20. Murder Mystery

[For some reason this track is listed on the CD case but is not actually on the CD]

21. Thrift Store Blowjob

Finally the MicroKorg is brought out and allowed to sing, if for only a brief shining moment. I can only speculate if this song was written for Denton Thrift, Twice as Nice, Thrift Giant, or Goodwill. It’s probably best they don’t directly mention the specific store by name. This track is a hauntingly perfect balance of the improvised chaos Problem Dogg is known for and just enough loose cohesion to make it listenable.

22. Wishez

A Man Man-inspired psycho-carnival genre sound collage. This string of tracks has opened up into my favorite so far. It’s a pity they’re all pushed to the middle of this gigantic shit-soundwich, I fear few will make it this far to appreciate it.

23. Baby Juice

Few bands ever enter and leave their punk phase mid-album, but it can be argued that every single Problem Dogg show or recording is punk-oriented in nature, if not in actual instrumentation or timbre.

24. Let’s Be Honest

[For some reason this track is listed on the CD case but is not actually on the CD]

25. Fred Durst’s Hat

I must admit, this track sent me to Google. It’s important to understand the back story of Fred Durst and hats to fully appreciate the magnitude of the lyrics, and there are many. Though the metaphor for “3 dollar bill y’all!” is left open to listener interpretation. What does it mean to you?

26. Batman

Quite possibly the most dissonant track of the album, no small feat in the realm of Problem Dogg. In typical noise-rock fashion, this track has no discernible key, time signature, beginning, or end…which could qualify it as Problem’s Dogg’s signature song.

27. Who let the Doggs out

[For some reason this track is listed on the CD case but is not actually on the CD]

28. Tornado Alley Take 1

It has to be asked…has Problem Dogg gone soft? Like many other releases that displayed a momentous departure from style (Led Zeppelin III, Sea Change, Kid A, Metal Machine Music, etc) this is sure to polarize fans and newcomers alike. While I find the stripped down acoustic nature of this track a pleasant change of style, Problem Dogg relies heavily on the shock value of acoustic instruments to establish Tornado Alley’s merits. It is a gamble that paid off, however. The shoe-string production value, drop tuning, and brutally honest homespun lyrics prove that Problem Dogg is punching in their acoustic weight class.

29. Black Sabbath

A little on the nose with the track name, I fear Problem Dogg falls into the almost inevitable pitfall of the late album filler material. At 1 hour and 19 minutes, their eponymous LP hardly requires filler material to justify its release. However, in a moment of meta self realization Neil acknowledges the song’s shortcomings with graceful lyricism “this song fucking sucks.”

30. Something’s Gonna Get Broken

In a similar fashion as the end of John Lennon’s cathartic “Mother,” you can hear the layers of anxiety and terror being shed by all members present for this session. The self-fulfilling prophecy imagined by a group with absolutely nothing to lose together, but everything to lose apart.

31. Candy Says

What can be said about “Candy Says,” the lead single from Pяoblem DOGG, that hasn’t already been covered in every other music review outlet in North America?  Vaguely resembling the outro South Park theme, Problem Dogg hands over lead vocal duties to another unnamed Dogg (Beth Dodds? Reece McLean? Matt Burgess?). “Candy Says” explodes into an orgiastic Dionysian treat for all of the senses (depending on how you use it).

32. I can’t play 3/4

Confession: I don’t like or understand math rock. Math rock only stops to ask if they can, and never if they should. This track sacrifices all listenability and organic energy in favor of showing off technical chops by trying out this bizarre/unnecessarily complex “3/4” time signature. Okay, we get it Anthony, you studied jazz in college.

33. The Seven Gates of Hell

Grinding through to the end of this Problem Dogg release is a sonic asymptote forever approaching the gates of hell. However, I know not which side of the gate I started on, nor which side I approach. Yet I long for the sweet release of purgatory that will never come.

34. So What

The Problem Dogg group dynamic has really come unglued at this point. They have clearly become every Dogg for themselves. But you know what? I love it. This is the sound that gets them kicked off of every stage they’ve ever played on.

35. It’s Thanksgiving Season

The production value on this really stands out in that there is production value on It’s Thanksgiving Season. Doubled up stereo narration interlaid with cascading guitar parallel 5ths and tritones show that Problem Dogg still has a little fight left in them late into the album.

36. Red Light Fever

I genuinely cannot tell if this is a cover of Venom’s bombastic Red Light Fever or just a reference to the terror many talented musicians feel when going into the recording booth. I like to think all of Problem Dogg is an collective outlet to the terror and frustration of trying to record and promote a slick studio album that embodies decades of honing their respective musical crafts. Especially given the amount of talent in the group from a vast array of extremely talented Denton bands, I like to think they’re intentionally doing the exact opposite of everything they sweat and lose sleep over with their other musical projects. Much like a happily married republican Senator slipping off to the Red Light district bath houses to release all of the repressed homoerotic energy that has haunted him all through his distinguished career. Maybe that’s what “Red Light Fever” is actually referring to.

37. One Big Mob

Another foray into existentialism, “I am you are me” echoes sentiments from Problem Dogg contemporaries Nirvana and The Beatles. Fitting with thematic elements, Problem Dogg plays as a more cohesive unit on the album’s second longest track. Thick layers of synth, slap bass, and screeching electric guitars are balanced as a singular unit and squirt out like a frothy sonic bukkake, before oozing down the face into a Talking Heads-esque post punk cum puddle.

38. Bezzled around the edges

To be a fly on the wall during a Problem Dogg studio recording… “Bezzled” gives us a brief gratuitous glimpse into their creative process. I generally take issue with any song that mentions the band name in the lyrics, but given the candid nature of this track I can let it slide.

Google defines “bezzle” as the following;

“bezzle. Verb. (third-person singular simple present bezzles, present participle bezzling, simple past and past participle bezzled) (obsolete) To plunder; to lay waste to, in riot. (obsolete) To drink to excess; to revel.”

I will lobby the Google to add “problem dogg” as a synonym.

39. Gangnam Style

Is it too hipster for me to appreciate the original version of a song more than the cover version that made it famous? While Psy’s cover of the Problem Dogg classic Gangnam Style has a more polished accessible quality about it, there’s a raw energy around the original that no amount of studio magic can feign.

40. Mann Against Dogg

Tritones galore! If you’re going to intentionally break every “rule”of music…don’t half ass it. The tritones tastefully capture the anguish and terror of Rick Eye’s tragic trip to the emergency room after his own encounter with a problem dog. The mixing on this track leaves something to be desired, but it’s got sex (I think), drugs, and rock & roll.

41. Naked Larry

“I’m walking with my giblets out and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet”

Coupled with a throwback to “It could be better, it could be worse” this has become a borderline concept album, albeit without a fully fleshed out concept (yet). I suspect that this isn’t the last time we’ll here about the adventures of Naked Larry.

42. It could be better It could be worse (original version)

This probably should have been saved for the re-mastered 10th anniversary vinyl release, but I can appreciate it nonetheless. I can’t tell if they’re playing window blinds or a typewriter here.

43. Everyone loves Problem Dogg

A chorale of self-congratulatory tripe. We get it, you guys gambled on a career in music and made it big. It’s nice to hear every member singing together, but arrogance is unattractive. You’re not Mount Righteous.

44. The chanting of the priests

The fastest track on the album tempo-wise this is also the furthest we dive into the depths of madness. We all deliberately listen to sad music from time to time because we actually want to feel sad. This song is equivalent of that for a desire to feel GG Allin.

45. After hours

After Hours crashes out of the gates with a psychotic doom-wop style akin to the incidental music of a terrifying dream. It’s like a lucid dream where you’re falling off of a skyscraper, except you never wake up and never hit the ground. I can’t tell if I’m just day drunk alone in my underwear terrified of death and constantly lamenting every past/present/future failure or if this is by far the best track on the album.

46. Steve Albini talking about his ass

5 Fast facts about Steve Albini:

• Drives a PT Cruiser
• Took Problem Dogg to a boring-ass baseball game
• Neil Coburn knows what kind of car Steve Albini drives
• Problem Dogg paid him $6,000 for “services rendered”
• Loves that ass

47. Penny Pincher

If Problem Dogg (album) is the circles of hell “Penny Pincher” is Judecca, the 4th round of the 9th circle Treachery.

We are Judas.

A bold ending to a bold album. This may not get the radio play that tracks like “Candy Says” or “It could be better it could be worse” get, but true Problem Dogg fans will remember this as the Day in the Life of Problem Dogg’s Sgt. Pepper.

48. Future Dad Remix

[For some reason this track is listed on the CD case but is not actually on the CD]

Buy the album here: https://problemdogg.bandcamp.com/